A Glimpse by Alana Golob

Recommended song while reading: Elegy by We Are Are We 

(Thx you for sharing this awesome post, Julie. Love.) 

By Charlie Gilkey 

A woman in her mid-50s in a local group I’m in stood up and admitted “I still don’t know what I’m going to be when I grow up!” She was clearly frustrated that she was her age and still hadn’t figured it out.

I saw looks of sympathy and understanding come from many of the other members of the group. This type of admission always puzzles me because I don’t understand the yearning under it. This seems to be something that creatives and wanderers worry about more than other people. But, who knows, perhaps when I’m older I’ll feel the same way.

What puzzles me about it is that creatives are always on a quest of one type of the other. Always altering reality around them. Getting bored with “who they are” and what they do. To be a creative is to be a well-spring of change – we aren’t known for our predictability and stability for good reason.

So, the yearning to “know what you’re going to be” seems to be a wish to be something you’re not, to know where things are going like there’s a there somewhere in the future that we’re heading toward. But, as Machada said, “wanderer, there is no road, the road is made by walking.”

There is no who or what we’re going to be out there in the future; we become who we are and what we are by walking.

I think there’s something deeper at play: the person who yearns to know who she’ll be is looking for meaning and acceptance. She wants to know that the choices that she’s made – the adventures and the misadventures – were all headed in a direction that made sense and meant something. She wants to be able to tell her story in a coherent way that doesn’t look like it’s been aimlessly going from one thing to the next; a story that doesn’t look like a score of unfinished creative projects, half-careers, and sojourns in a yurt in a desert somewhere (real or metaphorical).

She wants a simple story of a successful life well-lived rather than the complex, wandering weirdo life that looks more like a tapestry constantly being woven or damaged goods constantly being repackaged.

Every choice we’ve made in the past becomes a part of our story, and some stories are simply more complex than others. There’s rarely a correlation between the richness and depth of a story and its simplicity. We write our stories and make meaning daily. We are conscious beings hurled moment by moment towards a void that becomes firm in impact.

Most of us couldn’t have imagined the life we live today 5 years ago, let alone 10 years ago. If we truly show up, we have no idea what our life will look like in 5 or 10 years, either. Next year, I can see. Next quarter, I can make concrete. Next week, I can plan. Tomorrow, I can live in the present AND build a better tomorrow.

But I’ll pass on the helping of worrying what I’ll be when I grow up, thank you. I’d rather have a generous portion of the adventure du jour.

Did you know the average person takes 21,600 breaths every day? Thanks Google. Breathing is the foundation of brain function and 12 systems within the body. Pretty important activity we take for granted.

By nature I am a bit high-strung, something I am consciously working on and even got “Breathe.” tattooed on my wrist last year, in an effort to remind myself to slow down and be in the moment. I’ve also permanently added the practice of #ReadySetPause into my daily life.

Something a friend said to me after seeing my tattoo for the first time, “Everyone is born with a limited number of breaths. Every breath we use we can never again have back. We need to learn to stretch each breath and live a longer more peaceful life. Panic and stress leads to shorter breaths and a more chaotic life.” Just typing those words gives me chills. I’ve replayed our conversation in my head more times than I can count. It only made the ink reminder on my wrist that more impactful. We must be responsible and conscious for each and every breath we take in life, because there’s no going back once those breaths are taken. 

If you look at yoga, which I’m currently crushing on, breathing and being present is a staple of the practice. 2,000 years ago when the practice was developed it was designed to bring the mind and body together and the glue in that magical equation is the practice of breathing.  If people are still implementing this practice 2,000 years later, we should all probably take note.

The practice of breathing and relaxation doesn’t come natural to me. I have to consciously tell myself, “breathe.” Sounds silly, but it’s true and how I am wired. Maybe I should back off the coffee. Yoga is the one activity that allows me to completely shut off.  Yoga actually makes me want to become a better person. I don’t experience this with any other physical activity.

Shauna Harrison, whom I’ve had the great privilege to meet “virtually” through work, has helped me realize that there’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to take the same yoga principle of “being present” to other physical activities like running, as well as those times in my life when a mental reset is desperately needed. Shauna went on to explain that the reality of it all is that shutting your brain off isn’t something that can be forced, and sometimes it’s just not meant to be. “Just take it in, notice and let it go.” For the record, if you haven’t watched Shauna’s #TeamRenegade video, I highly recommend it as it’s incredibly motivating.

We could all learn a lot from the practice of yoga (and my wise friends) and apply it to our every day lives. Starting with learning how to take long, deep breaths and appreciate each and every one of them. To achieve this, we have to stay present. 

I am still a work in progress and I have a LONG way to go before I am that yogi I strive to be, but I do know this, “only perfect practice, makes perfect.” Just breathe!

I love the following quote about the power of relationships, whether friendship or love. When I first heard this quote from @AmyJoMartin, I had difficulty not categorizing each person in my life into one of the following buckets: Reason, Season or Lifetime. Bad habit to form and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still do this. If I know you, I bet you’re wondering which bucket you fall into? Kidding. I value each of you. 

Regardless, it’s an excellent reminder that each and every person comes into our lives for a reason. Rather than categorizing, it’s up to us to be conscious of the life lessons each person brings with them when they casually, or not so casually, stroll into our lives. Yikes. Deep thoughts for a Sunday evening, right?!

And, why the hell is the person who wrote these beautiful words, “Unknown”? I’d like to give him/her a HI-Five for impacting my life.  

“People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.”

- Unknown

As I sit here on my flight back from Portland, I’m reflecting on the past few days. Wow. In the past few days, I’ve became a patron at nearly every brewery in Portland, received second place in a late night team dance competition, experienced the weirdness of Seaside, rode/slept in a Navigator with six other people for 28 straight hours, had the opportunity to visit the Nike Global Headquarters (thanks, Heidi!) and conquered something I never thought I would - a 200 mile Hood To Coast relay. Not a bad few days.  

Our team may have not been the fastest team out there, but we were the best dressed in our team swag thanks to BoomPromo (thanks, Zack!). In fact we came in 299th of 1,200 teams participating and finished in 28 hours. Not too bad in my opinion, but clearly we have a lot of improvements to make if we do in fact run again next year. For starters, I plan to start training several months in advance. 

Given running really isn’t my thing per my previous post, this experience was a slight challenge for me - but one I’d would do 1000x over. I am a slightly competitive human being, so it was a humbling experience to be running as fast I as I physically could and to get passed by other runners (18 in fact) running a pace that was 1-2 minutes faster than me. Fuel to the fire. This race was no joke, it was filled with elite runners running 5-7 minute miles. I constantly had to remind myself that I’m running this race for myself and my team. All I can do is go out there and leave everything I have out on the course. The terrain was beautiful, but it was a beast. Insane hills. One of my runs included a 500 ft elevation increase for the first 1.5 miles out of the 6.8 mile leg. My calves and quads are still sore - but then again, that may have something to do with the fierce dance-off. 

Even with one hour of sleep and being crammed in a vehicle with six other sweaty people for nearly 30 hours - it was an incredibly rewarding and amazing experience. One that I’ll never forget and I will be forever grateful for. Now I’m seeking the next physically/mentally challenging event to participate in. Suggestions? Sorry, mom for the stress!

Anything is possible in life, once you shift your mindset and make “it” a priority. It requires you to flex those mental muscles and get after it. Until next time…thank you Portland for blowing my mind. 

(Big thank you to all of my friends and family members for your incredible support. Couldn’t have done it without ya’ll.) 

Back in November I was asked by a friend if I wanted to join their Hood To Coast team. Without thinking twice about it, I said “absolutely!” I tend to do this a lot. I jump and then think about the landing in mid-air. I had no clue what Hood To Coast was, besides an excuse to travel to Portland and escape the heat in the middle of the summer. 

Months past, and I actually forgot I agreed to participate in this run until I received an invite to attend the first team meeting. Instantly reality set in. Shit! This is actually happening and this is not one of those past three half-marathons I ran without training. This is a big deal and this time I’m on a team that is depending on me. 

For those of you that aren’t familiar with Hood To Coast, it’s the largest relay race spanning 200 miles from Mt. Hood to the Oregon coast. This year there’s more than 1,200 teams (18,00 runners) participating. In order to get into the race, your team has to enter a lottery - which my team has done for the past three years before making it in this year. This race has become so big, that there’s even a movie made about it. 

Fast forward several months and the race is now exactly two weeks from today. In fact, I’ll be running my first leg of three around this time two weeks from now. When I agreed to this run, I also didn’t take into account that training runs would be in the middle of summer when the highs are averaging in the 113 degree range and in the upper 90’s even at 5:30am in the morning. With that said, it’s been slightly brutal. My mom’s even worried about me! 

Running is a tricky one for me. I have a love/hate relationship with running, these days teetering more on the hatred side, than love. I consider myself to be somewhat athletic (at least in my younger days) and have never really had to work super hard at sports, they’ve always come natural to me. Running? Not so much. I’ve run three half-marathons and a few smaller runs, but never trained for any of them. Simply because I don’t like training and running long distances without hundreds of people cheering me on and the adrenaline that comes along with an organized race. It’s boring. But, is boredom really the reason I don’t enjoy running? So I thought. These past couple of training weeks have taught me a lot about myself and the ability or inability to push myself. 

With this race, I obviously have no choice but to train or my team would anialate me before the 11,000 foot elevation would. Accountability is a good thing! I’d lie if I said I didn’t struggle with each long run (hopefully my team isn’t reading this), but today I came to a very important personal realization. It’s not the physical component of running that’s killing me, it’s my lack of mental strength. It doesn’t matter if I have the best shoes (for the record, this is my favorite part of running), the right running watch, or clothes. Running is 90% mental and the rest is physical. So, I’ve read in my recent research on becoming a better runner. 

I spoke to a friend today after a frustrating run this morning. Her words, “This is suppose to be fun, so remove the pressure you’re placing on yourself and just have fun.” Duh, I’ve been so caught up on the miles/stress of the event, that I’ve forgot to enjoy this experience.

The point of this lengthy blog post is two prong. First-off, to selfishly motivate and prove to myself that I can do this and no it won’t be easy - but that’s life. Tomorrow, when I head out on my second to last long training run, I’m determined to shift my mindset from dread/fear/etc. to being thankful for this opportunity to run with my friends in an unforgettable race. How often will I get this opportunity?! Secondly, this post is to prove that if I can do this, so can you. And by “this”, I mean pushing yourself beyond what you think you are capable of doing. Whatever that might be. 

Mind over matter. It’s time to believe in myself, quit being a baby and just breathe. It’s not that many miles anyway. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, right? At the end of this experience I don’t hope to be an olympic runner, but more importantly I hope to have increased my mental strength - which will be a huge benefit to me in every aspect of life.

As added ammunition before each run, I also plan to also watch this video, per the recommendation of the same friend mentioned above. I bet you can’t watch it without the sudden urge to go to the gym or at least hit the ground and do a few push-ups. Rock. 

Go #BoomTanks!